Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
