the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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