Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
