So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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