so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
