My Higher Power is John Stamos
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
