I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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