You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
