Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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