I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
