haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize