My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
