one two three fourrrrnication!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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