I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
