booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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