i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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