Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And then he peed in my hair
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