How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drake has all the answers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
