I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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