Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
