from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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