you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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