U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
