I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
