and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize