Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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