You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
