Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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