She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
