No stitches, just platelets and will power
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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