Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
