Screwed.edu
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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