i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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