but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
