guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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