I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
