Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
