Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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