I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
