We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
