Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
