if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
