i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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