oh god the rape fog is back!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
