I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Vodka?
Forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I want is dick and wine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
