An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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