Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
