So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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