Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
