I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
