I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
