I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
