I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Michael Bay diarrhea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
