You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
