am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
