I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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