Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
