Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
