what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
