What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
