if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my being single is dangerous.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
