Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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