i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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