girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
