Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
