i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
