I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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