Porn is love you can see.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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