Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
