I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
