$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize