he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
