is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
