i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am mentally ready for anal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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