Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
