my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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