someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
