Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.

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(785): View more from Kansas

What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.

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