last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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