hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
