yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
