i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
