dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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