She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
