Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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