half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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