Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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