Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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