I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
