Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
