never play flip cup with pint glasses
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
