i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
