is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
