You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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