There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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