I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
