my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize