Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think my moral compass just broke
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
