i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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