There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
