Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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