Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
