thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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