I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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