that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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