That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
